I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
