I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
