Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
