Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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