Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
