If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
