my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
