Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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