i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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