eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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