its not stalking. its research.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
