Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
