Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
