when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize