I got her a Nickelback box set.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
