What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
