Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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