are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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