i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
