Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
