there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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