I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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