Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
