Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This is my gift to your gina
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
