you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
