He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize