He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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