he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
