hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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