i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
