he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
