Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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