Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize