i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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