i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
God, I missed his penis.
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