i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
