so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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