so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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