Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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