We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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