Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
