THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
