u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
