The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My dick has a subreddit
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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