she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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