I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Randomize
