I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize