U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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