doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
