These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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