I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
