his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
