Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
