if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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