I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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