it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
