5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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