their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
