I'm really into asian looking animals
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Is Oprah even human
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
