I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
