i was rollin on her like bob the builder
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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