so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He? As in you personified your dick?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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