you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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