She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
