Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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