She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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