will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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