I just pynch a tree in the face
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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