he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
